Traumatic Bonding

Awarded to Riley Scott for work submitted in Spring 2023 to Honey Denson in ENGL 1020: Research and Argumentative Writing

Regret

The first time you looked at me

The first conversation

Oh, I remember it too well

As though it was yesterday

So innocent, so naive

I fell hard, I fell fast

Like gravity was working overtime that day

As time went on, pieces of me were stolen by you

Your harsh words to a pure ray of sunshine

Soon enough the tears began to fall

Only to be replaced by your hand

Firm and pressuring me to give in

Into your anger, into your jealousy

Into a world you created

The one where you played the victim

Only to gain control of me

Why did I let you?

Because I loved you?

Because I was too scared?

I wish I could go back

To protect my heart, my mind

To keep my strength

To not give in

You only caused harm

Attacked the areas you knew I was weakest in

But what could I have done

I thought that is how it had to be

To just accept the way you treat me

Regret

Borders

We’re like two countries

Constantly at war with one another

We take shots and fire them right back

Always getting hurt

Tearing each other apart

Brick by brick, Getting burned

Over and over again

When will this end?

Both too stubborn to raise the flag

Though my heart surrenders

Every single time

We return to former allies, only briefly

Until the truce is called off

Until the treaty is broken

Until we can’t make peace

Then do we put up our walls

Ready. Aim. Fire. Back and forth.

Breaking us down slowly

Begging the other to give in

We can’t hurt our pride

For it is our own persons we stand for

For it is our stubborn, selfish ways we stand for

Why? Because we are human.

But one thing we know for sure

Our hearts will always surrender

Until it doesn’t

And then

Please raise your white flag

One. More. Time.

Cleansing

Trauma. Heartbreak. Pain.

To relive this everyday

Is to die in a loop of distress

To cope with the scars left behind by the culprit

The lover, the liar

All manipulation

To keep a hold on their victim

The regret

The torture

The tears

Never-ending, overflowing

To relive this everyday

Only to think “When will this end”

The damage has been done

Though the repair is a slow process

Where do you start?

The beginning?

It is impossible

It is now a part of you

It is in your bones, your soul

And that is the end of the repair

To have brought peace to the mind

To have brought safety to the body

The culprit won’t know that you’ve become new

That you’ve washed away the places he’s touched

That you’ve drowned out all the memories

That you’ve gotten rid of the person he once owned

Healing

I’ve lost them

All of the papers

All of the notes

All of the souveniers

All faded away

Every piece of me that was you

Seems to have disappeared

One by one

Almost in rhythm to the healing of my heart

For every piece put back together

Was one good memory stripped from my mind

For I do not need those any longer

It has been long overdue

False hope still lingering in the back of my mind

Everything reminding me of you

But it is finally over

For my heart is at ease

I have found my peace

Living with ADHD

Awarded to Connor Elwell for work submitted in Fall 2023 to Dr. Ron Kates in ENGL 1010: Expository Writing

Memory

Head rested on my mother’s shoulder,

I followed along as she read aloud

My friends had been reading independently,

For quite some time now

But without my mother,

The words would not stick

Reading the same page over and over,

I was embarrassed

That I was not as quick

Cease the Cycle

Awarded to Kennedy Stephens for work submitted in Fall 2023 to Dr. Julie Myatt in ENGL 2020: Themes in Literature and Culture

To my future Children

We all know the saying “a closed mouth don’t get fed.”
Unfortunately, it’s the truth, so speak up instead.
You were gifted a unique voice to use as you please.
I promise it’s ok to use, especially when in need.

For your mother, staying silent brought many losses,
From missing out on dance opportunities because I was frightened,
to nearly failing courses because I never wanted to ask for help, to even missing out on new bosses
because I never called back to check the status of that application.
You speak up to express how you feel, you speak up to voice your opinion.
Doing so may even allow others to see your important vision.

As both a child and teenager I made the decision to stay silent.
“Independence” I thought, “Why not just stay quiet?”
Well see kids, that didn’t work out very well.
My brain would swell. Sometimes I’d yell.
Why couldn’t I just TELL someone how or what I felt?

So, here’s to my children.
Be confident, Be brave.
Your mother is here, only an inch away.

If I could go back in time
i’d do these exact things.
Speak up. Use my voice,
Not worry what someone else will think of me.
After all, how I live is my choice.