Gestures and Greetings: Faire la bise

In many French-speaking countries, people kiss each other on the cheek or shake hands when they meet. In everyday situations, female friends kiss, while men and mixed couples will kiss or shake hands depending on how well they know each other. The number of bises varies by region. There is even a website dedicated to the question of “combien de bises?” Not only does the number of bises differ by region, but the cheek that you start on can also vary by region, though in a majority of France and in Paris it is the right cheek. As a rule of thumb, it’s best to follow the native’s lead in order to avoid bumping noses.

Men will typically faire la bise with women and women will also do so with other women. Some men who are close friends or from the south will also faire la bise with each other, but if they do not know each other, they may se serrer la main (shake hands) instead. A French handshake is brief, firm, and typically a single downward shake. In a professional setting, whether or not to faire la bise depends on the company culture and how close colleagues are. A kiss or handshake is also given upon leaving, even if the two parties have been together only a few minutes.

Contrary to popular belief, la bise is not actually a kiss but rather a light grazing of the cheeks while making a light kissing noise in the air. There should not be any lip-to-cheek contact.

Watch the video below to learn how to faire la bise.

Interactions culturelles

How do Americans greet each other? We shake hands, the firmer the grasp the better (French people often grimace from this strong-handed contact). We also hug each other, sometimes with a pat on the back. For the French, hugging is as awkward as la bise is for Americans. The French do not  hug to greet others even friends and acquaintances with the only exception being children or lovers – it is an intimate gesture.

As a (now) funny  example of cross-cultural awkwardness, after the November 2015 terrorist attacks on Paris, then Secretary of State John Kerry  visited Paris and said “My visit to France is basically to share a big hug for Paris and express the affection of the American people for France and for our friends there who have been through a terrible time” on the eve of his trip which sparked confusion in the French media who struggled down to pin down a translation for the word hug. The closest thing to it was le câlin, which is similar to a cuddle in English – you see the intimacy implied!

Take a look at the video of this awkward encounter between the two statesmen, John Kerry (on the right) and then French president François Hollande (on the left) on their meeting at the Elysée Palace.

What do you notice about their encounter?

This is a great example of how our cultural expectations sometimes interfere with our interactions with others. But a little instruction can straighten out any misunderstandings. Here are some instructions for French speakers on how to give  a hug.